The countdown is deafening in my head. Ten weeks from today I will board a plane and fly across the Atlantic to meet my destiny. Dramatic, much? But it feels like that. Now I keep thinking about how those ten weeks will shake out. This weekend is my six hour qualifier, then the Bay to Breakers on June 5th, then school lets out, then I go on vacation to visit my parents (lots of good swimming there, (Connecticut River and Lake Winnepesaukee) and then I have only a month to be ready, and two or three of those weeks will be a taper. Is that enough time? Can I do this? Have I left it too little too late? Sometimes I think I'm done for, and other times I think I've got everything planned out nicely. Time will tell. I just have to keep plugging away at the hours of swimming. Lots of three and four hour swims on the weekends and once school lets out.
Today it's pouring!!! What a bummer, that means the bay will be colder and dirtier this weekend. I hate swimming after a big rain. The water is brown and stirred up. But that's neither here nor there, it must be done. One cool thing is that people are offering to come out and swim with me in the Cove this weekend. Join me for a lap or two? The reply has been a resounding, YES! This club is such a special group of people. Everyone has offered some sort of support at some point during my quest.
I had a bit of mixed news from my soccer club, they offered to let me do my moon lighting registration job, but for less than half of what they paid me last year. Quite the bummer, but better than nothing and I can't turn them down. In essence I have already spent the money. But please, everyone remind me after this escapade, I can't afford another adventure until 2013!!! Someone please hold me to that. I will be digging myself out of debt from this one for most of next year. But that's fair. Dreams don't come cheap. And this is a BIG DREAM!
I keep reminding myself that I am one of the lucky people who have attempted something big, and regardless of the outcome, I have "dared greatly". I have put myself out there, I will be tested, and I will get to France. I fantasize about stepping out of the waves onto the beach in Calais. And I fantasize about the swimming; some big waves, some calm water, some dark times, mostly light, and I am so happy in that English water, and even happier in the reported warmer waters of France. I can't wait.
One more bit of good news, My husband bought his plane ticket too. I didn't actually think he was going to come, but he stepped up and we are off together. I really want him to be there. I think he can't understand this passion of mine, but I am glad that he will be there to witness it. Whatever the outcome, he will have a new view of me, and hopefully a new respect. I hope he won't just see this as "crazy" which is what he thinks now, but as something personal and important, even if just for the doing of it. There is value in testing one's self to the outer limits, because out there in the dark places we learn about our selves. I often tell people that I don't know how I made it to Morocco. I can't account for that last hour of my Gibraltar swim. But I know that I did it, I know that I found something inside myself to get through the difficulty. It wasn't the time, I was only out there for five hours. I could have swum for a long time more, but I wasn't making any progress, and I was dispirited to the point of entertaining giving up. But that was in my head; my body kept swimming, luckily, and I didn't quit. I think I am more mentally prepared this time, I hope, because I will need to be. I bet that there will be several "dark" times on this swim, and I hope that I "just keep swimming", because as Lynne Cox says, "Once you quit, you're done. But if you don't quit, you still have the chance to succeed" (or something like that - please excuse my paraphrasing).
Sunday is the next big test. I haven't gone for more than three hours in the bay and I have to go more than six. Here comes a test. I look forward to the challenge.
“It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood, who strives valiantly; who errs and comes short again and again; because there is not effort without error and shortcomings; but who does actually strive to do the deed; who knows the great enthusiasm, the great devotion, who spends himself in a worthy cause, who at the best knows in the end the triumph of high achievement and who at the worst, if he fails, at least he fails while daring greatly. So that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who know neither victory nor defeat.”
ReplyDelete