Nervous Excitement

So I don't write for weeks and now I can't stop. I am full of nervous excitement and anticipation. I am excited about getting my qualifier completed and about meeting Steffan, fellow channel aspirant from Arkansas. I am overwhelmed with end of school work, soccer registration work and family guilt. What with physical therapy taking a few hours a week after school, soccer computer work taking hours each night after dinner, and swimming exhaustion, I find it hard to care what I make (or procure) for dinner and the laundry continues to pile up. The dog is the biggest loser. She gets one or two runs a week not a day. Balance is a tricky thing and I have not achieved it. But I keep thinking to myself that after August I can make it up to my family. I hope that counts. I really do because I need to focus and guilt is not a useful emotion.
I am feeling so good inside. This morning I was tired and thought maybe I should sleep in since I have such a big weekend planned. But I know that I ALAWYS feel better when I start my mornings in the water, so I thought I will swim an "active rest" workout and not push myself, but just stretch out and relax. Well just diving in made me so happy. I have a visceral experience every time I dive into the water. It's like a whole body sigh. I relax and feel strong and joyful and lithe. It's wonderful, feeling the soft welcoming water and your body making that graceful (I hope) arc with the bubbles surrounding you. I wish I could explain it, but it is like coming home. Maybe not quite so welcoming diving into the cold bay, but the lovely warm clean pool is a joy. Of course the best laid plans make the best jokes. Steve Haufler was our coach today and there was no room for "active rest". He had planned something a bit more athletic, but I adjusted. I must be growing up. I caught myself and stopped the "coach pleasing" and reminded myself of my needs and my ultimate goal which was not to work at race pace, but to stretch out and relax. I must be growing up.
Think "warm water, calm seas" thoughts for this weekend and send good vibes my way. I'll be in the water most of both days.